The Original Unscripted
Feature Story
Last Updated: 09/30/2003
ok, so there was this girl...
and she liked... uhm... well... stuff... like cats.
cats are cool, aren't they? well, anyhow, this girl was really cute and also very nice. and she smiled a lot too!
and do you know what happens when a girl is cute, is really nice, and smiles a lot too? guys fall in love!!!
and then guys do really stupid stuff to try and impress her...
...which a few girls seem to interpret as:
so what the hell is really going on inside this guy's head anyhow??? let's take a look...
oh shit is right! a monkey has taken control!!! can this get any worse...? how about having a DRUNK monkey take control?
no! even worse... how about when a drunk monkey that's day dreaming about MIDGETS chasing girls take control?
yeah! even MORE oh shit! well, anyhow... back to the story...
so the girl responds... "let's just be friends!" (as always the case)
FRIENDS!?!? FRIENDS...!?!?
and he responds...
damn! how stupid is this guy...? or do we just blame it on the monkey?
well, see, as professor monkey explains it... friends = 1/1,000,000 = a chance!
so we've established several things... a) the monkey is controlling the guy. b) the monkey is stupid. and therefore c) the guy is also stupid.
as the story continues, the guy eventually gets the girl to go on a beach trip with him... as "friends". because, you never know... as professor monkey explains it, a 1/1,000,000 chance is STILL a chance! and what better way to 'woo' a girl than to take her to the beach? right??? am i right??? (down professor monkey, down!)
anyhow, at night they decide to take a walk along the beach and sit and watch the stars. it felt so good being with her... the poor chap was truly in love. for him: heaven could wait.
you didn't think that this story would be ALL laughs, did you?
sigh... girls can be such teases can't they? but i guess guys can be too! (but thats not the point of THIS story... men are the protagonists here, baby!)
uh oh, she's found the alcohol! this can only mean trouble!!! ...or does it?
TO BE CONTINUED...